Senseses of Humour

Some people might wonder how my sense of humor and comedic timing could be honed to such perfection. Well it hasn't come naturally. It's taken 7 years of being mocked and tormented by bullies, 10 years of rejection by the opposite sex, 4 years of wearing a patch over my strong eye in order to strengthen the muscles behind my weak eye so it would stop "wandering" and 13 years of wearing brown glasses with bi-focals, along with a black "strap" to hold my glasses up and prevent me from using the muscles in my nose to "push" them up.

Some of it's hereditary, though. I know this because my siblings and parents are pretty funny. And my kids are pretty funny, as well, come to find out. I've decided to dedicate this post to the funny things my family has said lately. We'll start with my 2-year-old, Boston. Today I was playing with him in the front room and for some reason (probably just to see my reaction) he said, "I hate you." I asked him to repeat it since he had just, playfully, hit me and I thought he might have said, "I hit you." But when he repeated it, it was obvious he had just expressed his disdain for me. I pulled him close to me and said, "Boston. We don't say that in our house." His reply was, "Ok" short pause "Me say it outside?" I was confused for about 3 seconds then I realized why he'd ask such a question.

Now on to my wife. She's about 8 months pregnant and she's been losing her memory severely lately. If you ask her, she'll tell you she's getting more and more retarded. If you've ever been pregnant or known someone that's pregnant, they REALLY do get stupider. With my wife, it's the most obvious when she tries to use common phrases or cliches. The other day we were talking about a kid in our ward who is not very obedient. My wife's reply was this (and use the pauses while you're reading this), "That kid... he's a... um... he's a... he's a work of art." I looked at her and said, "You mean 'a piece of work'?" We both laughed, but she felt pretty dumb.

About two weeks ago, I was awakened at about 1:30am to the sound of my wife talking to my 5 year-old in the bathroom. She was encouraging him to hurry up with his bowel movement so they could both return to bed. I listened to him grunting for a few minutes and then, between contractions, I heard him say, "Oh man. This feels like a square poo." I thought I'd dreamt it, so I yelled to my wife and asked if that's, indeed, what he's said. Then we all started laughing... at 1:30 in the morning.

Sharona would be upset if I left her out, but since she hasn't "said" anything funny for a while, I'll just have to relay something funny that she does ALL the time. It's hard to catch her doing this... you have to be lucky enough to be looking right at her when it happens or you'll miss it, but if she's sitting on a hard surface such as linoleum or concrete and she farts (it's loud when it reverberates off the floor), she'll look behind her as if she's trying to figure out where the peculiar sound has originated. Why can't she put 2 and 2 together and think, "I felt the vibration against my butt at the EXACT SAME TIME I heard the sound?" Then again, maybe she's just faking... kinda like humans do. "What was that? Did you hear that? You didn't? Huh... oh well."