Live Animal Trap

Ever since we've gotten rid of our dog, we've had a wild cat infestation in our backyard. I've seen 3 cats at the same time in our backyard. My wife thinks they're cute for the most part, but I step in poo a couple times a week. For a while I thought it was raccoon poo. Then someone told me that wild cats don't bury their poo cause that's how they mark their territory. I don't know why they can't just pee. Obviously, no wild cat has ever moved into a rental property where the previous owner had cats. If they had... they'd know how strong and offensive their own pee really is and maybe they'd decide that was good enough.

I went to Smith and Edwards and asked the lady working in Sporting Goods if they had a Cat Trap I could purchase. With a look of shocked disgust, she replied, "A CAT trap? Um... no. But we DO have a Raccoon Trap right over there." I was a little confused over why she'd respond with such disgust. I figured she was simply a cat lover. When I saw the device, I noticed it was actually called a Live Animal Trap. Funny enough, there were three animal photos on the side of the box. A photo of a raccoon. A photo of a cat. And a photo of an armadillo or aardvark or something. I'm actually not sure what the difference is between an armadillo and aardvark. So apparently, the name of the trap changes depending on what it is you're looking to trap. The lady didn't want to think about the raccoon trap accidentally catching a cat... even though that's exactly what I was trying to catch. And since the makers of the trap decided to include the photo of the armadillo, I suppose those animals are a nuisance somewhere in the world.

So over the last three weeks I've put out this cat trap just to see if any animal would be stupid enough to walk into a metal cage just to get a chunk of hot dog. So far, 12 cats and 2 raccoons have been dumb enough. I heard two cats fighting earlier today so I know there are still at least two more up there in my trees.

Yes. It is.

Telephone conversation I had three minutes ago:

Offender: Hey Daley. I'm gonna be a few minutes late for our appointment.

Me: Did you talk with that detective then?

Offender: Yeah. I just got done.

Me: So he didn't arrest you, I take it. Are they still gonna charge you with Rape?

Offender: I don't know. He said it sounded like it was consensual.

Me: But she was your half-sister. They might charge you with Incest.

Offender: Is that a crime?

Me: (pause) Yes. It is.

Offender: Well, I guess they could then.

Me: How about you come into my office and talk with me.

Anomaly?

I worked for Layton City Police Department for a little while about seven years ago. Ultimately, I quit and came back to work for Adult Probation and Parole, but I learned several valuable lessons while I was employed there and I learned a lot about myself, as well. The biggest thing I learned about myself is that I have absolutely no idea (nor do I care to learn) what the makes and/or models of cars look like.

At the end of my first month with Layton PD, I was driving around with my trainer and he started to quiz me on makes and models of cars. I honestly had no idea. The best I could do was tell him the color and how many doors the cars had. That was the extent of my vehicular knowledge.

My trainer seemed surprised at the time... especially when I showed him how awesome I was at The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game. He kept telling me to forget all the useless crap about actors and actresses and replace it with car information. I kept trying to explain to him that I felt like car info was "useless". I mean, honestly, who else besides law enforcement people even CARE about the makes and models of cars?

The answer to that question, according to my friend, John... is "everyone". John seems to think that 90% of guys between the ages of 18 and 35 could look at five cars lined up and be able to tell you the make of the vehicle... and in most cases... even the model.

It wasn't until a few years ago that I even knew the difference between "make" and "model". I'm so extremely ignorant about cars that I have a hard time believing that 90% of men would care as much as John seems to think they do. I think a more accurate number would be 50-60%. I think it's fair to say I'm not as much of an anomaly as John claims. There's no way I'm a 1 in 10. I'm more like a 1 in 3.

I've been asked this question a lot as well: "If you could own any car in the world, what would you want?" My answer is a Honda Element. Why? Cause they look pretty cool, I guess. The funny thing is, if you were to line up a Honda Element with 4 other similar looking SUV's... I'm only KINDA sure I could pick it out.

By the way, John... I may not be able to tell you what the make or model of a car is, but I'll always be right more often than you if the question comes down to the color of the car.