VP

I'm not a political guru by any means. In fact, it's only been in the last few years that I've even been slightly interested in what goes on in our country. But I found out today that Sarah Palin has been chosen by McCain to be the VP candidate. I had no idea who Sarah Palin was until today. I still don't know a whole lot about her, but I know one thing. She's hot.

I know it shouldn't matter how attractive she is, but c'mon! Why would anyone choose to vote for anyone besides a McCain/Sarah ticket? Sarah has a little bit of feminism coursing through her veins, which I'm sure bodes well with all the female voters. She was voted Miss Wasilla and ran for Miss Alaska, which will definitely influence a great many (straight) male voters.

Before you call me any names, let me paint a picture for you. Most of you have probably seen the movie Deep Impact.
It stars Morgan Freeman as the President of the United States. In the movie they discover an asteroid (or meteor or whatever) is headed straight at earth and most of us will die... except for a select few who have been chosen to live in underground caves for years, maybe decades, to ensure that "life will go on".

Now imagine sitting at home watching TV and that beeping sound starts, indicating a message from The Emergency Broadcast System is coming on. You think it's going to be another inconveniently timed "test", when all of a sudden, you see Obama sitting in a chair behind his desk in the Oval Office. He breaks all kinds of bad news to the country. Maybe it's an asteroid. Maybe it's a plague that's taking over the world. Maybe it's World War III. You'll be in a panic, most likely.

Now envision Sarah Palin sitting in that chair (since McCain will have long since died of old age). She's talking about monkeys or something. You hear her mention the word "outbreak", but all you can think is "Man... she's smokin'."

When I think about voting in November, that's what I think about. We know bad things are going to happen in our country and in our world. Who do I want to be the one telling me all the bad news? Obama? Or sweet, sweet, Sarah?

I choose Sarah.


Oh yeah... and McCain.

Captain Underpants

There are a lot of reasons why having kids is fun, but having a couple of boys make it so much more enjoyable. There's something about playing with them while they're doing "boy" things that really brings out the kid in me. Actually, now that I think about it... most of the things I do are childish so it would be more accurate to say that my JOB actually brings out the ADULT in me.

I've been reading Captain Underpants to my boys for about a year and there's something about the way the author writes that makes my stomach hurt a little bit with jealousy. There are five or six different books in the Captain Underpants series and it's obvious the author has warmed up to his audience of young boys as the series progresses. I find myself laughing aloud at some things the author chooses to write and I'm pretty sure the humor goes over the head of most school-age youth.

I've chosen to share a couple of examples and I hope they substantiate my claims. I actually tried to read these pages silently as I was doing this post and it's not as entertaining. So, if it's not too much to ask, read these pages out loud. Close your office door if you're embarrassed. If you're in a cubicle, then read these pages loud enough that your co-workers can hear you. I have a feeling they'll be just as entertained as you are... and for some reason, saying all of these descriptive words aloud is much more fun.

Correctional Confabulations

So I'm sitting at work the other day. I have appointments lined up all day long at 10 minute intervals. I go up into the check-in area and call back my 1030 appointment. She comes back with an attractive female accomplice. The girl I supervise is not attractive in the least. On a scale of 1-10 (with a "1" being a retarded midget corpse) this girl is about a "3". Her friend, however, is at least an 8... maybe an 8.5.

They come back to my office and I ask my probationer how she got to my office, since I know she doesn't have a license and driving a vehicle would be a violation of her probation. She motions to this hottie and says, "She gave me a ride."

"Oh," I say, "is this your friend?"

She gets a genuinely surprised look on her face... with a hint of confusion. "Um, HELLO? This is my sister? Can't you tell?"

For her to think that she looks anything like her hottie sister... I don't know... someone has been really, really dishonest with her. Probably a boyfriend or her mother.

Kindie Garten

This time of year it seems like there are hundreds of family blogs announcing the first day of school for their child. I'm doing the same thing, except with a couple of entertaining photo's to go along with it.

The first one is when Betsy was getting Ty out of the van upon their arrival to school. The second photo is in the hallway outside the classroom door (you can see backpacks hanging on hooks in the background). Betsy said it was pretty sad, but she HAD to get a photo even though he was having himself a little conniption fit.

Luckily the second day was great and it's been great all week. Whew.

Motivational Series

We've all been emailed some variation of those Motivational Posters. They're pretty hit-or-miss, really. Sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're lame. I was forwarded an email today that had about 15 of them attached. I found myself laughing out loud at a few of them which I don't usually do. I've decided to post some of the better ones... but the "WTF" one was my favorite for some reason.

Twilight: A Male Perspective

We were over at my sister-in-laws house about two weeks ago and she had all of the Twilight books on her nightstand. I have been hearing a lot about it lately since the newest book, Breaking Dawn, came out. I was watching the news and saw about five million women standing in line to pick up the new book. They were all gushing about a character named "Edward" and how they had "discussion groups" that were set up just so a bunch of chicks could talk about this book. My wife, Betsy, doesn't read much of anything except the scriptures, KSL.com, and Parenting magazine. I figured it might be a book she would enjoy.

So we borrowed the book and Betsy started reading it that same night. For a few days I watched her closely to see if she was enjoying it. She was. I noticed she was able to find time to read it during the day. She'd even stay up later than usual so she could read it after the kids went to bed.

I started to get curious. What the crud are all these chicks freaking out about? What could be so awesome about this series? Finally, I decided I was going to read the first book, Twilight... just to see. So I waited until Betsy went to sleep and then I'd take the book into the front room and read it. I didn't use a book mark because I didn't want Betsy to see that I was reading it. If she DID figure out I had been reading her book, I didn't want her to know how far I was or how much progress I'd made. If I didn't like it and Betsy knew I was reading it, I didn't want Betsy gushing to me about how awesome it was and put me in a position where I'd either have to agree with her (lie) or disagree with her (hurt feelings).

I just finished the book this last weekend, just behind my wife. It was pretty good. I had some problems with it, though.

I want to tell all you dudes out there a few things about Twilight. First of all, the reason women like this book so much is because it's about 90% Romance Novel. You know those books at the store that have really buff guys with huge muscles, wearing a ripped shirt and they're cradling a scantily clad hottie in their huge arms? Twilight reminded me of what those Romance Novels might contain. It's from the point of view of Bella, a 17-year-old girl. She's in lust with this dude, Edward, who we learn is a vampire. "Vampires?" you might be thinking... "Cool!" Well, not really... but kinda.

If you've seen any vampire horror movies then you know what can typically be expected from vampires. Raw emotion, passion, blood, sex, gore, and maybe a topless Sam from Who's the Boss... if you're lucky. For the book, Twilight, remove "topless". Remove "blood". Remove "sex" (it's a Mormon author, after all). Remove "gore". What are you left with? That's right. Emotion and passion. There is some allusion to blood and gore when Edward occasionally mentions "hunting", but not enough for any real man to get too excited.

Also remember this story is told from the point of view of a 17-year-old girl. Almost without exception, every time she sees Edward, she notices something amazing about him... like his perfect face, hard jawline, gorgeous eyes, muscular chest, smooth voice, brisk stride, gentle touch, etc. Now try to imagine every paragraph containing several sentences describing Edwards absolute perfection. It gets old pretty fast... for a guy.

Another thing that bothered me quite a bit was that Edward is not the nicest guy. I mean he says a lot of great things, he's amazingly smooth for a 107-year-old teenager, but he acts a lot like a jock. He orders Bella around like she's his dog and she does exactly what he tells her do. Why? Because he's so hot. That kind of bugged me. I saw that kind of thing happen in High School. All the hotties would flock to the A-holes because they were hot. I'd watch from afar and think, "I'm so much cooler than that dork face." But the chicks never noticed because I wore glasses with a strap in the back to hold them up.

The author of Twilight also strays from some of the basic, generally accepted "truths" about vampires. That's cool for the most part. I mean, an author has creative license and can write her stories however she'd like. But, c'mon! A vampire can't be in the sun or else his skin melts off. That's pretty basic. Most everything else is optional (wooden stake through heart, flying, turning into a bat, etc) but the sunlight thing is pretty elementary. I think it would have been better if the author had just chosen to ignore it, but instead, she chose to have the vampires stay out of sunlight for a completely different reason. Are you ready for this? Because sunlight makes them sparkle and glow like they're covered with diamonds and other shiny jewels and gems. Like Edward needs to be any MORE beautiful than he already is. Sorry. That's pretty lame. I really hope she doesn't elaborate any more on this stupid quality in her future books. Not that I'm planning on reading them or anything.

It's pretty obvious that Bella isn't really "in love" yet. I'm not saying she won't EVER be in love with Edward, but I don't think she's in love with him at the end of Twilight. She's infatuated with him because he's a vampire, he can run really fast, he's super strong and he's "oh so perfect". I don't think "awe" equates to "love".

Edward says all the right things, as well. He makes the rest of us guys look like babbling imbeciles. Let me tell you, ladies, if I had over 100 years to perfect my womanizing ability, I'd say all the right things, as well. It's kinda like Groundhog Day. Edward is a "teenager" and knows exactly what to say to make other 17-year-olds swoon because he's had a lot longer than us mere mortals to master it. "But, Cameron, Edward doesn't have any experience with women. He even told Bella that he's never felt this way about anyone. AND he's also a virgin!" Yeah right! Edward's been around the block once or twice in the last 100 years, I promise. He's just perfected his dialogue so he can impress Bella and whoever comes after her. With all the pent up one-liners and "icy caresses" he has built up, I guarantee Edward can hold his own in the sack. Bella is just an immature 17-year-old who wants the hottest guy in school to pay her some attention. That guy just happens to be a vampire.

That's all I have to say. Good luck, guys. If you can zone out during the more descriptive romantic scenes, it's actually a pretty good read.

Visa

I'm not much of a sports fan. This is one of the things my wife loves about me. I'm not the type of guy who feels the need to watch Sports Center for several hours a day. If we're hanging out with a group of friends and the dudes say something like, "Hey, guys! Let's get a game of 'Bee Ball' goin'" I'm never (ever) interested. I'd much rather hang out with all the children and wives while the other dudes play ball. I just don't care about playing or watching sports. I think almost everything is boring.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'll watch an occasional game of football or soccer with my sons (since I think it's neccessary for them to be well-rounded young men), and I might participate in the office "pool", but there isn't much knowledge influencing my "picks" on who I think might win.

I enjoy watching the Olympics, though. Mostly swimming, track and field, and sand volleyball. I know I talk a lot about my softer, sensitive side and sometimes I think I might be TOO comfortable with my sensitivity, but I can't help it.

The other day I was downstairs by myself watching the Olympics at about 11 at night. This commercial came on while I was drinking some Dr. Pepper and eating some Pub Mix from Costco. I knew it was one of those "motivational" type of commercials when it started and I thought to myself "Oh, man, this is gonna be cheesy", but about 15 seconds into it (you'll see) I couldn't swallow cause I was crying. Not like "moist eyes", either. I actually felt my chest quivering and I was doing that Trying-To-Catch-My-Breath thing that kids do when they've been crying for a long time and have recently stopped.



I know I've said this before (Field of Dreams, My Life, An American Tail), but there is something about a father and his kids that gets me every single time.

Getting To Know... ME!!!

I received this email today from my friend Katie. I thought about sending it back to her, but then decided to just make it into today's blog post.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30 am… but I went to bed at 1:30 am after seeing the movie Step Brothers in Layton.

2. Diamonds or pearls? I’m not exactly sure what this means, but I’m only 51% straight so I can’t answer that question without tipping over the edge into everlasting gayness.

3. What was the last film you saw in the theater? Step Brothers… I just told you that.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Infomercials… or Spongebob Squarepants. It’s kind of hard to admit, but if you’ve ever watched an episode of Spongebob and you’re under 40 years old, then I’m sure you understand.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? If my wife isn’t pregnant then I have about 8 pieces of bacon. If she IS pregnant, then I’ll have a Nutragrain bar or something. I’m not much of a breakfast eater.

6. What is your middle name? Lee. You wanna make somethin’ of it?

7. What food do you dislike? Cauliflower, celery, and fish (not including shellfish… those are yummy).

8. What is your favorite CD at moment? Pssht. CD’s. That’s funny. I’m all about homemade compilation cd’s. Right now I have Bitchin’ Tunes Volumes 1-13, Bitchin’ Butt Rock Volumes 1 and 2, Bitchin’ Oldies, Bitchin’ Classical, and Bitchin’ Ballads. Email me if you’d like a copy of the playlists so you can enjoy All Things Cameron.

9. What kind of car do you drive? ’93 Ford Escort Wagon. When I drive it, I wish I were single. It’s a babe magnet.

10. Favorite sandwich? Depends on the sandwich place, really. I don’t like “dry” sandwiches. Shovel on some Guac and I’m cool with just about anything.

11. What characteristic do you despise? One-uppers. People who always tell a story where they experience something similar to you… except they did it faster, harder, stayed longer, spent more money, scored a hotter chick, had one more, landed harder, or got a few more stitches than you.

12. Favorite item of clothing? Nothing at all. Nothing beats a cool ocean breeze curving around every crevasse of my body without pesky “clothes” interfering.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? The ocean, of course… in a warm climate.

14. Favorite brand of clothing? Hello? Are you not paying attention? Read my last two answers.

15. Where would you retire to? Again, somewhere by an ocean would be nice for reasons which should be obvious by now.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I’ve had several awesome birthdays over the last six years, but my wife wouldn’t approve if I went into any details. Sorry.

17. Favorite sport to watch? Infomercials.

18. Furthest place you are sending this? According to the map attached to my blog, I have a regular viewer in England (thanks Jago) and an occasional hit in India. I have no idea who that is.

18. Do you make friends easily? No. I’m a social recluse. I only participate in social activities if my wife forces me to. I usually end up enjoying myself, but I’m never excited beforehand.

19. What did you do last night? Hung out with Season while Betsy decorated our backyard for Boston’s birthday.

20. When is your birthday? July 15th. (Text Happy Birthday Messages to 801-690-8203).

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? If my nights turn into mornings, then I do alright with mornings. Otherwise, it’s nights.

22. What is your shoe size? 9, but you know what they say about small feet, right?

23. Pets? Sharona, our Old English Mastiff. She’s great.

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I’m approaching my halfway point toward being able to retire from my job. That keeps me going on my bad days.

25. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be rodeo clown for a while during my stuntman days. I'm not really sure why. I'm not a very fast mover. I'm sure I'd die my first day on the job.

26. How are you today? I’m at work all day while my 3-year-old, Boston, is celebrating his birthday at home with my wife, kids, and neighbors. Sigh.

27. What are your favorite sweets? I dig anything cinnamon flavored. Fire Jolly Ranchers, Atomic Fireballs, Cinnamon Mentos, Red Hots, etc. That’s about it. I don’t like cakes, cookies, brownies, or things like that. I know it’s weird.

28. What is your favorite flower? I’m pretty sure Honeysuckle is a flower and I love those cause you can pick them and slurp the sweet bee urine out of the bottom of them.

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Friday. We just started the four day work week so I can look forward to three day weekends from now on… most of the time.

30. What is your full name? Cameron Lee Daley

31. What are you listening to right now? Sean Hannity trashing on the Democrats. He takes himself so serious.

32. What was the last thing you ate? String cheese, Ritz, blueberry yogurt and a Mt. Dew. I actually hate the thought of eating “live and active cultures”, but we buy yogurt at Costco and my kids and wife can never eat it fast enough. I end up eating 3 a day for the last week before they expire.

33. Do you wish on stars? Yup. Every night I wish that our house won’t be burglarized and my wife won't be raped by the Ogden 13th Street Gang.

34. Coffee or tea? Is this a trick question? NIETHER! They’re BOTH against the Word of Wisdom!

35. How is the weather right now? Unsure. I’m stuck in my office with no windows.

36. What are you afraid of? I didn’t used to be afraid of anything, but I think my anxiety levels have been rising lately. I’ve started to get dizzy and stuff if I start talking or thinking about natural disasters or death and stuff. I’m thinking it comes with age… or maybe it’s fear that just comes built-in when you have a family or something. Like… NOW I actually have something I care about and it freaks me out to imagine what could happen to them. I dunno.

37. Favorite soft drink? Dr. Pepper, except if I’m really really thirsty. It seems like Sprite is the best thirst-quencher.

38. Favorite restaurant? Café Trang has a “Pork in a Clay Pot” dish that is so effing good. It’s hard to order since they took it off the menu and they have something similar they always try to trick me into ordering. I have to speak very slowly and make them repeat it back to me if I want the dish I’m looking for.

39. How many keys on your key ring? Let me count…10 keys and a Fresh Value Card.

40. How many years at your current job? Nine

41. When was the last time you cried? Last week when I taught my Sunday School lesson. I didn’t sob or anything, but I had to pause during one of my stories cause I could feel my emotions were about to start leaking out.

42. What is under your bed? Dust and dirty diapers.

43. How many people will you send this to? Whoever reads my blog will see it. So maybe 6.