%

So I think every dude has a little bit of "gay" in him. Even if it's just 2%... every guy does something, or has a personality trait that screams "gay". It might be more politically correct to say "feminine", but very few guys refer to other guys as "slightly feminine" so I won't bother, either.

There's all the usual signs of gayness that people are used to looking for. Like if a dude needs to look at his fingernails, it totally ups the "gay" percentage if the guy holds his hand out in front of him, palm down and checks out his fingernails. Or if a man wants to see if he stepped in dog poo or gum, the manly way is to bring the suspected shoe in front of you and rest it on your opposite knee. It's extremely gay for a guy to look over his left shoulder while bringing his right foot up behind him to check out the bottom of his shoe. Also, it will raise a guys "gay" percentage if they have any other fingers protruding while flipping the bird, especially the thumb.



I've been noticing lately that I have more "gay" in me than I thought I did. I noticed that I posted several comments on other blogs that had some underlying homosexual references. I've always known I have a pretty strong sensitive side (I cry every time, without fail, during An American Tale, Field of Dreams, My Life, and The Cure), but lately I've been experiencing pretty intense light-headedness whenever I think about or hear a story involving blood. In fact, I donated Plasma for a while, but then all of a sudden... one day... I got really nauseous and ever since then I can't hear a story about farm injuries or facial trauma without getting dizzy and my legs actually ACHE when I hear stories about someone needing to have screws or pins or staples put in any appendage. Weird, huh? Actually... I should have asked, "Gay, huh?".

I did some math the other day and I added up all my percentages:

- I like to hug guys... full blown, two armed, cheek to cheek hugs. If they're related to me or a really close friend, I frequently provide (and expect) a gentle butt squeeze during the hug.

- I enjoy cooking for my family. Not elaborate meals like on Food Network, but I like the slow cooker and deep fryer.

- I cry every time I see my children experience something new that they enjoy. Not really CRY cry... just like... lump-in-my-throat kind of thing. By the way, I also cry during the last 5 minutes of EVERY episode of Baby Story on TLC.

- I get light-headed when I hear a story involving blood, hanging clumps of flesh, or extremely invasive surgery. To my credit, I don't feel sick when seeing it in person... only if I'm envisioning it in my brain.

- I don't care for watching sports on TV or hunting. I don't care about killing and eating animals, I just would enjoy watching the movie The Deer Hunter more than I'd enjoy deer hunting.

I've concluded that I'm about 49% gay. I don't think that necessarily means I'm only 2% away from divorcing my wife and looking for a man-partner, because ultimately it comes down to whether I feel like I could make out with a dude... and enjoy it. I don't think I could. I could exhibit every gay quality in the world, but I wouldn't be gay because the thought of another dude's tongue in my mouth makes me want to vomit.

So I'm a 49% gay, straight man.

PS I almost included the photos in the post below... but I didn't want to reuse them.