The Vasectomy Monologues

My wife and I are a pretty open couple. When I say "open" I don't mean we invite third parties into our bedroom (sorry Chris), I just mean we don't have very many secrets. We talk openly with family and friends and occasionally complete strangers about such topics as bowel movements, "toys", previous transgressions, and anything of a reproductive nature (ok so mostly it's me talking openly, but Betsy participates and seldom gets embarrassed, often nodding in agreement with an infrequent obligatory "Cameron!" spoken in a surprised tone when we both know she could see it coming a mile away).

Recently, however, my wife and I made the decision for me to have a vasectomy. For the first time in the duration of our marriage we actually debated whether our decision and chosen path should be a topic of discussion around our respective dinner tables. We were back and forth as to whether people needed to know. Ultimately it came down to two things: "What will people think?" and "Can we really keep it a secret?"

The first question ended up being a pretty easy question to answer. Ready? "Who cares?" We talked through all the pros and cons and ultimately decided it was the best solution for our family and it did not interfere with the plans we have made for our progression in this life or the next. (I may choose to go into the common questions and hypothetical scenarios later on in this mini-series, but not now).

The second question was a little bit harder to answer. Even if we wanted to keep it a secret like my dad did for so many years (sorry dad, I totally just outed you), we weren't sure if we could. I mean, I could picture myself at Christmas dinner at the in-laws saying something impulsive like, "It's weird cause I've only had to shave my face once a month since my vasectomy. They told me that's not how it's supposed to work. Crazy, huh?" Everyone would look at me all shocked... probably thinking I'm making some sort of off-the-wall joke. But then they'd see my smile fade to a look of embarrassment and all the blood in my entire body would instantly travel to my face and ears. Even if I wanted to brush it off as a joke, it would be impossible because the beads of sweat on my top lip and other non-verbal cues would have already alerted the entire family to the truthfulness and subsequent mortification of my vasectolictified statement. So we decided if we were comfortable enough with getting a vasectomy, then we should be comfortable enough defending our decision if need be... and need will probably be with some of my more "replenish the earth" type of friends.

I've decided to document my experience over the next few weeks via my blog. It'll probably be interspersed with posts about my new Indiana Jones Hat Prize which should be coming any day now, as well as some other random posts about my family and friends.

Thanks for reading and wish me luck.