Our Weekend

I almost called the doctor today to see if he still had the opening on Thursday to perform my vasectomy. Seriously... I almost did. I didn't... but I almost did. Our boys got sick on Memorial Day. Luckily our holiday plans didn't involve leaving our own property so we didn't have to cancel anything. My wife hates our sectional couch, but it worked out great for our two sick kids. She thinks it's too big and looks ridiculous, but we can't afford to buy anything new or anything made of cow, so we're stuck with this couch we got for free from a friend of mine who told me I could have it so long as he could give it to me "as is". Come to find out "as is" means completely covered (completely covered [yes I felt it necessary to type it twice]) with dog hair. Dog hair in every nook and cranny... every square inch of surface area, including unexposed surface area. I bought a 10-pack of lint rollers from Costco and Betsy and I used every single sheet from all 10 rollers. Then we vacuumed and shampoo'd the thing twice. The next day Boston peed on it.

My boys got sick yesterday. It started as a fever. I was in the kitchen when my wife yelled, "He's throwing up! Get a bowl!" By the time I got the bowl and made it in to him, I caught about 1/2 cup of sweet smelling vomit in the bowl. The other three cups were in Betsy's cupped hands, on the couch, on the blanket, all over Boston's right arm and puddled in the crevasses of Boston's pajama top. I kept trying to reassure Boston that it was no big deal. I had to breath out of my mouth when I carried Boston into the bathroom and had to touch his puke dripping sleeves to get his shirt off. Most of the throw-up from his shirt ended up in his hair by the time I had him undressed (I actually contemplated cutting the shirt off like the EMT's do when someone has a serious injury). Then I had to drain the bathwater after he got in cause there were so many chunks. I almost decided to just let the water stay in the tub, until I saw the yellow cloud forming around his wiener, since I didn't have time to let him pee before getting the vomit rinsed off him.

Three days ago, Tyton was waking up in the morning, stretching and talking to Boston who was standing by his bed. Then Tyton yelled, "Boston is pooping!" After I sat Boss on the toilet (with his Blues Clues seat acting as a booster), I started picking up rock-hard turds with Kleenex trying to make sure I didn't miss any. Then I noticed the puddle of urine on the carpet where Boss was standing. I could hear Season crying in the other room and Betsy was trying to soothe her. Tyton decided he wanted to help soothe her, as well, so he got out of bed and smushed a couple of the turds into the carpet and tracked them into our bedroom. Then he stepped onto the bed frame while saying in his "It's okay" voice, "Are you okay, Season? Why are you sad?" Then his foot slipped and Tyton's face hit the window sill. Tyton starting crying and screaming that his nose was bleeding. I had a tissue in both hands holding squished Boston poo and Betsy was holding Season in one arm, Tyton had his hands cupped under his nose and Boston was sitting on the toilet CLAIMING he didn't have to poo anymore.

How was your weekend?