Season and Sunface

We blessed Season today and had some family over afterward for lunch. Here are a few photo's from today. By the way, her dress might LOOK like it's the most uncomfortable outfit in the entire world, but Season told me herself that it's nothing compared to trying to squeeze out of Betsy... so she knows it could have been worse. Plus, Season should HAVE to wear an uncomfortable dress. It's the least she can do since she didn't need to be circumcised.

And it's a good lookin' dress.




One last note. Betsy hates it when people make, what she calls, a "sunface"... so I have no idea why she chose to take a photo of her husband making one. Maybe she just liked my cool Castle Grayskull shirt.

MANtage

Someone at work told me today that these guys remind him of me and my friend John. I can't help but share it with everyone. These guys are truly hilarious. This is classic and you'll probably need to watch it more than once to catch them all.

Enjoy

Automatic Answer

I've known for a couple of decades that there are no such thing as werewolves, swamp creatures, monsters, or any other miscellaneous evil things. However, I distinctly remember when I was younger, this knowledge was fleeting. We had one flight of 15 stairs while I was growing up in North Ogden. When I was 13 years old (or so) I remember being so extremely scared on several occasions while climbing my stairs. It was a peculiar process that I've recently discovered is pretty common among pre-teens. Here's the redundant scenario: I'm by myself at the bottom of the stairs and I decide I'm going to go upstairs for any number of reasons. As I start to slowly climb the stairs a random thought enters my head. Something like, "What if there was something chasing me? Could I beat it up the stairs or would it catch me before I got there?" Once this thought entered my head, even though I knew there wasn't anything behind me, I'd start to get kind of freaked out. By the time I was halfway up the stairs, for some reason I'd decided there could be something in pursuit and by the time I reached the top of the stairs, I was often in a full blown panic. However, once I'd reached that top step, I was fine. I'd won. Nothing had caught me. It was always a creepy feeling and, like I said, it happened to me quite often while I was growing up.

I've thought about this several times over the years and I've come to a relatively uninteresting conclusion. It seems to me that the initial thought, somehow, transforms quickly into a belief, then a knowledge. It's a rapid process. A process that doesn't only happen with monsters and stairs, I've discovered. It happens with other things, as well.

It happened to my wife not to long ago. I had left work early one afternoon and decided to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few items for dinner. I decided to leave my cellphone ear piece in my ear just in case my wife called. Once I'd entered the store, I looked around and starting to feel pretty stupid. I was walking around the store with an earbud in my left ear and a black wire coming out of the earbud, clipped to the front of my shirt, and then enter my left front pants pocket. I pulled the earbud out of my ear, unclipped the... clip, and put the entire contraption into my pocket. I did this so quickly that I forgot I had enabled the "automatic answer" option on my phone.

So as I'm walking around the store I don't notice when my wife, Betsy, calls. My phone rings once in my pocket and then my phone answers the call without my knowledge. My wife is on the other end of the call and, remember, she thinks I should still be at work. Betsy can hear the sound of the earpiece microphone rubbing against the inside of my pocket as well as some muffled conversation taking place between other customers who happen to be shopping down the "Frozen Entree" isle with me. My wife is unable to hear much of anything, but for some reason she thinks, "Why isn't Cameron at work? It doesn't sound like he's at work? Where could he be? That sounds like a girl laughing. I wonder if he's at a girls house and they're having sex." Well... as soon as the thought of an extra-marital affair enters her head, everything else she hears seems to fit into this mental scenario she's envisioning.

Everything that happens over the next 4 minutes confirms over and over in Betsy's mind that I must be cheating on her. She hears the produce sprayer turn on and it sounds like I'm whispering... probably in a hot girls ear while I'm making kissing sounds while breathing a little heavy. (Betsy tells me all this later while almost in tears.) She even hears a small child say to a parent "I love you" when really the child could have said, "Can I have Cap'n Crunch instead of Trix?"... it didn't matter. Betsy is hearing what she wants because she KNOWS at this point that I must be "getting it on" with a co-worker. Then, and this is my favorite part, she hears the beeping from the scanning of my items and thinks it's bed springs squeaking at sexual intervals. Seriously.

Betsy tells me later there was a point when she stopped trying to decipher what she was hearing and started trying to figure out how she was going to confront me and whether she'd stay with her parents, would she take the kids with her, and could she ultimately stay married to me. How could she not have suspected something? Had I been acting differently lately?

While I'm in the checkout line I think to myself, I wonder if my phone answers automatically if my earpiece is plugged in. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and notice that Betsy has been connected to my phone for about 4 minutes. I hurry and put my earpiece in my ear and say, "Hey, honey." You can imagine what she was thinking receiving a greeting like that while she's positive I'm naked, laying next to someone I've probably mentioned to her at some point while talking about work. She says, "Where are you?" "I'm at the store picking up a couple things. Did you say something about wanting apples, cause I think we still have some in the bottom right drawer in the fridge." "I'll see you when you get home." she says.

I don't think Betsy FULLY believed me until I got home 5 minutes later carrying grocery bags. She almost started crying (in fact, she might have actually cried) while explaining her thought process during the entire phone call. I started laughing about halfway through it, but she didn't find any of it funny at the time. She was relieved, but she felt pretty silly for thinking I'd cheat on her. It was just one of those things that pops into your head and you can't get it out... kinda like being chased up a flight of stairs.

We already had apples, by the way.

Promo

Dr. Pepper is my beverage of choice. I drink Mountain Dew and Vault on occasion, but Dr. Pepper has been my favorite caffeinated, carbonated cola since High School. You can imagine my excitement when I observed the most recent promotion on the label of 20 oz bottles of Dr. Pepper. It says, “1 in 6 wins!”. Now I know that when it says “win” that doesn’t mean it’s always something big and special, but when I opened up my bottle of Dr. Pepper (purchased at my local Sinclair) I was surprised to see the letters “uwin” among the number and letter combination in the code under the cap. I quickly went to www.drpepper.com to enter my code. I was congratulated in my promotional victory and the webmaster promised to send me a coupon for a free 20 oz Dr. Pepper. I was thrilled.

Then, to my surprise, I opened my second 20 oz’er and again found the letters “uwin” under the cap. I quickly entered this new code into the Dr. Pepper website and was ecstatic to learn I had won another free Dr. Pepper. My fingertips tingled when I thought about how awesome it was that BOTH drinks I had purchased had ended up being free.

About 2 weeks later (4 days ago) I received both coupons in the mail for my free Dr. Peppers. I carried them around in my back pocket for about three days, savoring the enjoyment of having actually won something... twice. Then yesterday on my way to work, I stopped at the same Sinclair where I had bought the original Dr. Peppers. I walked back to their coolers and grabbed two more Dr. Peppers that were offering the same Indiana Jones promotion. I walked up to the counter with a small grin on my face thinking about how great it would be if I won two more Dr. Peppers with my coupons. I almost started laughing as I envisioned the greatness of never having to purchase another Dr. Pepper my entire life. I thought about winning over and over again and always being able to get my free Dr. Peppers until I’m 70 and my Geriatric Doctor tells me I need to have my spleen removed because of the toxicity of 60 years of drinking the poisonous “carmel color” contained in thousands and thousands of Dr. Peppers.

It was kind of busy at the Sinclair and by the time I reached the register there were several other patrons behind me in line… mostly construction dudes who always stop at gas stations in the morning to fill up their 5-gallon jugs with some miscellaneous Pepsi product. I was smiling when I handed the cashier my two coupons. She looked at them… then at me… then back at the coupons. “I’m not sure about these.” My smile started to fade. “Well, I got them from entering the codes under the caps from Dr. Peppers that I purchased here.” She replies, “Let me check with my boss.” Then she walks away. I hear a few sighs coming from some dudes wearing those thick beige trousers that always have white paint stains on them. Then the lady reappears and says, “Sorry we don’t accept these, but the Stop and Shop down the street will take them.” I didn’t have the energy to explain my frustration at having purchased the original Dr. Pepper’s at this exact establishment. I thought briefly about putting the Dr. Peppers back and driving to the Stop and Shop… but instead I found myself saying, “I guess I’ll just buy them then.” My heart hurt a little as I watched my dream of never buying another Dr. Pepper being shattered as she slid my debit card through her machine. My head hung low as I walked to my VW Golf and drove to work.

When I got to work yesterday, I cracked open my first 20 oz Dr. Pepper and didn’t see the letters “uwin” under the cap. I entered the code anyway, but was informed by a template created by the webmaster that I had not won anything. The template did tell me that I was “so close” to winning, though I’m not sure how it could have known. It was probably just a clever ploy to get me to buy more Dr. Pepper. They assumed I might think, “Oh man. I was soooooo close to winning. I need to try again.”

This morning when I got to work I saw my second unopened Dr. Pepper on my desk. I had forgotten to put it in my fridge and I knew it was warm… but I was thirsty. I decided to open it and drink it since I’d rather drink warm Dr. Pepper than Sprite or Country Time. I looked under the cap and noticed the letters “uwin”. I felt a little smile creep across my face. Even though I had to buy this Dr. Pepper, I still had the two coupons in my drawer and now it looked like I was gonna have a third coupon to take to Stop and Shop this weekend.

I went to drpepper.com and entered the code. To my surprise, I received a note from the webmaster telling me I had "done it". I had won an Indiana Jones/Dr. Pepper hat. That is so extremely AWESOME! I patted myself on the back for choosing to buy this Dr. Pepper instead of putting it back in the cooler yesterday. I’ll be getting my sweet prize in 6-8 weeks. I guess the webmaster was right yesterday when he told me I was “so close”. I’m not sure how he knew, but he did.

Backyardigans

When we bought our house six months ago, I could hardly contain my excitement with finally having a big yard. I grew up in North Ogden on about an acre of property. Now that I'm 30, I have a better perspective of acreage. When I was seven, that acre of property might as well have been a jungle. I can't even explain how much I love watching my kids exploring on the half acre we live on now. At least once a day, Tyton will ask, "Dad... can we go on an adventure?" I've learned when Tyton says "adventure" he just means "walk around and look for something cool to do".

Right before we moved in, the seller decided to tell us about some things she didn't like about the house. Most of them involved the various animals she's had to deal with in the back yard. Her least favorite were the garter snakes. The idea of having garter snakes, raccoons, squirrels, weird breeds of water rats, and other miscellaneous creatures just made me more excited. My wife was excited, too, until a raccoon (we think) climbed into her car window in the wee hours of the morning and ripped open 3 ranch packets that were left in a Burger King bag on her front seat. Ranch and raccoon hair on black upholstery do not a happy wife make.

So, we were all outside about a week ago and I was moving around some hoses that littered our hill and were also semi-concealed under some tall grass. I caught something out of the corner of my eye and immediately thought it was a mouse. I called my boys over and told them to look closely as I continued to move things around hoping they'd catch a glimpse of the same mouse or rat. I picked up a large tree branch and, again, glimpsed about 5 inches of what appeared to be a rats tail. At this point I started to get a little nervous because this could end up being a very very large rat. I told my boys they should probably take a few steps back just in case the rat decided it wanted to get even and go after them. Well, surprisingly, they remained... undeterred... until they heard my wife say, "Oh I see it. It's down here. It's a snake." You would not believe how fast my kids can move when they think there's a snake within 50 yards of them. And they didn't just scream once, like my wife does when I hide behind the bathroom door. They continued screaming the entire time the snake was in their field of vision. My wife was eventually able to calm them down and, though it hurts to admit it, she was the one who eventually caught the snake by the tale while simultaneously holding Season with her other arm.


I put the snake in a small container to allow closer inspection by my children. After they saw me pull the snake out of the container, they became much more comfortable and began handling the snake themselves. Since then, Tyton and Boston are almost always on a "snake search" whenever they go into our backyard... and they've found them on more than one occasion. It makes me love my house and yard even more.

PS There's a good explanation for what sounds like Betsy nagging me on that short video clip. Betsy didn't know I was taping when my neighbor requested 8 additional feet of hose for a sprinkler system repair. I was purposely ignoring him since I was preparing to capture the "snake chasing" on video. I have since promised Betsy I would tell her when I'm taking video so she doesn't look and/or sound stupid. Sorry, honey.

Costco

There are certain things I can buy in bulk at our local Costco that I wish I couldn't. I mean, toilet paper is great cause you know you'll use it all eventually. Same goes for detergent and even blank cd's. But whenever I buy the huge bags of fresh broccoli it always turns brown and limp and a little slimy before we can eat it all. My wife and I both love broccoli so I think we eat it at a fairly quick pace. We've even accepted the fact that it makes our whole upstairs smell like farts, because we know how scrumptious the cooked broccoli will be with butter and salt and pepper all over it. I swear, though, that we don't get through half the bag before it starts getting brown and slimy.

Some of you might ask, "Why don't you divide the large bag into several smaller bags via Ziplock and store them in your freezer for later consumption?" Well... I could, but if I wanted to eat frozen broccoli, then I'd BUY frozen broccoli. Then you might ask, "Maybe, but don't you find it frustrating that frozen broccoli is 90% stems and 10% florets?" Yes, I do find it frustrating, but it's only one of the many reasons I prefer fresh broccoli.

Another thing I shouldn't buy at Costco, but I probably will for the foreseeable future, is pistachio's. Man I love those nuts. I have a few problems with them, though. First and most importantly, it drives me crazy when I get a nut that doesn't have even a teeny tiny crack. I close my eyes and try to think about Disneyland or something whenever I have to put a sealed pistachio on top of my pile of shells. What a waste.

Secondly, though... I can't stop eating them. They're so extremely good I have a hard time deciding when to stop. I just keep eating and cracking... cracking and eating. I'll eat them until my stomach feels like I put way too much Horsey Sauce on an Arby's Melt. The problem is, when THAT pain starts to fade, my stomach is gurgling and I know I'm gonna spend most of the night and following morning in our downstairs bathroom away from my family... per Betsy's request. The sad part is I think it's totally worth it. I'm like a social drinker who always gets hung over and tells everyone around them while echoing off the inside porcelain of the toilet, "I'm never ever ever going to drink again." Then they drink again that night. It's like I forget how miserable I am when I see that gargantuan bag of pistachio's in my cupboard. It also doesn't help that we haven't painted our disassembled cupboard doors yet so I can see everything in our cupboards every time I go into the kitchen.

And finally, I feel like I'm wasting something when I dump all those pistachio shells in the garbage. Betsy says she's never once thought about it, but I think about it every time I hear the sound of hundreds of pistachio shells bouncing and sliding off different pieces of garbage until they make their way to the bottom of the garbage can. I actually went so far as to google ideas people have had to recycle pistachio shells... and I'm not even the "recycle type". I mostly just found a bunch of people making fun of people like me who want to find ways to recycle pistachio shells. Screw them. I have hundreds and hundreds of ant boats to keep me busy.

Resemblance

Different people have told us different things about who Season looks like in the family. Some people say she looks like me. Others say she looks like Betsy. Betsy and I both think she looks a lot like Boston, but makes some of the same faces that Tyton made when he was an infant.

So we decided to post a candid photo of Season and then post equally candid (completely unstaged and never posed) photo's of the rest of us.

Luckily we happened to have similar photo's of the rest of the family already stored in iPhoto. It was actually a freaky coincidence. So what do you guys think?











































































Also... before you judge the massiveness of my muscles, remember that the bathwater has a magnifying effect. My muscles in the photo are deceivingly huge. I'm much less toned in real life.