Costco

There are certain things I can buy in bulk at our local Costco that I wish I couldn't. I mean, toilet paper is great cause you know you'll use it all eventually. Same goes for detergent and even blank cd's. But whenever I buy the huge bags of fresh broccoli it always turns brown and limp and a little slimy before we can eat it all. My wife and I both love broccoli so I think we eat it at a fairly quick pace. We've even accepted the fact that it makes our whole upstairs smell like farts, because we know how scrumptious the cooked broccoli will be with butter and salt and pepper all over it. I swear, though, that we don't get through half the bag before it starts getting brown and slimy.

Some of you might ask, "Why don't you divide the large bag into several smaller bags via Ziplock and store them in your freezer for later consumption?" Well... I could, but if I wanted to eat frozen broccoli, then I'd BUY frozen broccoli. Then you might ask, "Maybe, but don't you find it frustrating that frozen broccoli is 90% stems and 10% florets?" Yes, I do find it frustrating, but it's only one of the many reasons I prefer fresh broccoli.

Another thing I shouldn't buy at Costco, but I probably will for the foreseeable future, is pistachio's. Man I love those nuts. I have a few problems with them, though. First and most importantly, it drives me crazy when I get a nut that doesn't have even a teeny tiny crack. I close my eyes and try to think about Disneyland or something whenever I have to put a sealed pistachio on top of my pile of shells. What a waste.

Secondly, though... I can't stop eating them. They're so extremely good I have a hard time deciding when to stop. I just keep eating and cracking... cracking and eating. I'll eat them until my stomach feels like I put way too much Horsey Sauce on an Arby's Melt. The problem is, when THAT pain starts to fade, my stomach is gurgling and I know I'm gonna spend most of the night and following morning in our downstairs bathroom away from my family... per Betsy's request. The sad part is I think it's totally worth it. I'm like a social drinker who always gets hung over and tells everyone around them while echoing off the inside porcelain of the toilet, "I'm never ever ever going to drink again." Then they drink again that night. It's like I forget how miserable I am when I see that gargantuan bag of pistachio's in my cupboard. It also doesn't help that we haven't painted our disassembled cupboard doors yet so I can see everything in our cupboards every time I go into the kitchen.

And finally, I feel like I'm wasting something when I dump all those pistachio shells in the garbage. Betsy says she's never once thought about it, but I think about it every time I hear the sound of hundreds of pistachio shells bouncing and sliding off different pieces of garbage until they make their way to the bottom of the garbage can. I actually went so far as to google ideas people have had to recycle pistachio shells... and I'm not even the "recycle type". I mostly just found a bunch of people making fun of people like me who want to find ways to recycle pistachio shells. Screw them. I have hundreds and hundreds of ant boats to keep me busy.