142 lbs of Pure Muscle

There was a period of time while I was working graveyard shifts when I was losing weight pretty dramatically. My problem was that I don't have an appetite when I'm tired. I also lose my appetite when I'm nervous and this weight loss happened right about the time I was getting married and having sex for my first time... so my nervousness was just about as intense as it could possible be. I remember I had a checkbook and I had a signature quote over the signature line that said "142 lbs of pure muscle". That was a lie. I was actually about 125, but I thought that would be too embarrassing to put on a checkbook. But then my wedding starting getting closer and my appetite vanished (along with frequent bouts of diarrhea which happen pretty much whenever my heartrate goes over 80 beats a minute). I actually got down to 116 lbs and I was getting pretty nervous. Then a few years later I started to gain weight again. Maybe I was finally getting used to the activities that take place behind closed doors, but I think mostly it had to do with my daily intake of metamucil. This kept me regular to a point where I no longer had "episodes" with my bowels. At least not as frequently. I mean, it still happens occasionally... like when my bishop talks to me in the hallway at church and says, "We'd like to hear from you and your wife this Sunday." My stomach gurgles a little bit. But when he says, "Your topic is 'How did the faithfulness of the Pioneers help them with their Struggle to overcome temptation and be led away from their Worldly Treasures into a land of promise and freedom to worship?'" Then I make a mad dash for the bathroom and call the bishop later that night to accept the speaking assignment. This is my life.