Ninja Fart (Wah)

I spent a couple of years in England on a proselyting mission for my church. As if that kind of lifestyle isn't interesting enough, often missionaries find other things to do to entertain themselves. Most of them aren't mature forms of entertainment. If you think about it, at the end of the day you still have a bunch of 19 or 20 year old guys who have chosen to devote two years of their life to teaching people about their church. It can be expected that their immaturity will find a way to escape.

I don't remember who started it, but somebody in one of my areas had a problem with air escaping from his anus. It was a chronic problem that we'd all make fun of him for. Eventually, he started doing his best to make his flatulence "quiet"... if he could. He started calling his silent farts "stealthy". Somehow the "stealth farts" morphed into "ninja farts" since ninja's are stealthy by nature. Well this missionary was so proud of his "ninja farts" that he wanted to make sure his fellow missionaries knew when he was being stealthy, so he started making a very quiet ninja sound effect whenever he'd let a "ninja fart". The sound effect was "wah" spoken as high-pitched as a male voice could muster and at a volume level just above a whisper. Ideally, only those individuals within three feet of him would ever even know he'd fluffed. The story climaxed when we were at a dinner appointment at a members house. During the blessing on the food, three of us heard the fourth missionary say "wah" in the middle of the prayer. Luckily the member was an old lady and she had no idea we were all stifling laughs through the prayer.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. When I returned from my mission, I told my family about the "ninja farts" and the stealthy nature of proclaiming the sneakiness of one's farting action.

I remember that my family decided to go to Seattle to visit my brother, Ryan, and his wife. When we all got there, my family wanted me to share the "ninja fart" story with Ryan. He and his wife were both thoroughly entertained. At some point during our visit, a couple of my brothers started saying "wah" whenever they'd fart. We all thought it was pretty funny. Before long, everyone in my family including my sister, my sister-in-law, and my mother and father were all saying "wah" whenever we'd fart.

Now... here's the point of my story: People (including you) fart a lot more often than you think. There were eight of us who were hanging out together all day, every day for about five days. Not five minutes went by during the entire five days that someone wasn't saying "wah". Seriously. Not five minutes.

So if you're ever in a room with eight people, you can be pretty dang sure that every five minutes at least one person has let some silent air slip out of their arse. Think about that!